Alternate Universe

Ever feel like you are living in an alternate universe? Lets start with some assumptions first and most important is the size of a house in my theory building smaller would be less to heat less to cool and less to clean equaling less to build, this is were the alternate universe comes in, wrong, wrong, wrong! There again I am no math whiz but lets look at a 980 square foot house and our three contractor estimates they range in price from $240,000.00 to $180,000.00 so on the low side that is $183.00 per square foot to build, my daughter asked if for that price we were having marble imported from Italy, sadly no. The next assumption would be build tiny get it done faster, nope! Six months, come on it is a 980 square foot house, I thought the economy was down and builders were hungry for work ahhh nope! All of this news prompted me to go looking for alternate housing options my first stop was a Yurt, if you are not familiar with yurts they are a glorified tent you can check them out here http://www.yurts.com/  oh and I need to mention that I was serious about living in one. My next stop on the alternate housing list was a mobile home, now before you roll your eyes and picture overgrown grass a bunch of junker cars up on blocks with pack of hound dogs living under the cars all the while Mark and I sit on a rotting porch in what use to be our indoor furniture while spitting tobacco and drinking moon shine from a mason jar, times have changed. We spent an hour at the Clayton Homes lot in town and received a real eye opener, how about 30 year shingles, 2 x 4 construction with drywall and the same insulation and low e windows we wanted for the tiny house, cherry kitchen cabinets and solid surface counter tops, 3 bedrooms 2 bathrooms and 1500 square feet, I know not tiny but not a McMansion either and still smaller than the house I live in now. Did I mention it has an open floor plan and a fireplace, oh and a mud room, vinyl siding, energy star appliances. And I don't have to pound one nail or paint anything, for $110,252.00 in case you are wondering that is $66.00 per square foot. So more math the difference between 180k and 110k is a bucket load of vacations!!! So it appears that there will be some redneck jokes in my future and maybe some bluegrass music probably no more dogs to the family, Mark says I have reached my maximum limit, but on seventy thousand dollars that I don't have to pay for a house I will be laughing all the to my next European vacation.

Thoughts on Dirt

Dirt, otherwise known as land or property. Pretend that you have been searching off and on for a few years and only became serious about buying six months ago. Now pretend that you are out in a cow pasture looking at views of the mountains all around you with a stream running along the length of the property. It is a perfect fall day, beautiful blue skies with those amazing puffy white clouds and the temperature is also perfect. And while you are standing there you have that God moment you know the one it goes something like this, the heavens part and you hear the angels going ahhhhhhhhh and the sun is streaming down on your face all the outside noise leaves your head and all you can see or hear in those seconds is your little house and the dogs playing on that perfect 3.58 acre parcel of land with a few chickens and some goats wandering around, your husband by your side and life ah beautiful, peaceful country life stretching out before you. The next sound you hear is that zipping noise the one that comes from a record on a turntable when the needle goes skidding across. That is the realtor saying the sentence, because of the stream you might be in a “flood plain”. A what? You say. Well it seems that a few years ago FEMA looked at every lake, pond, river, and stream and reevaluated them for 100 year flood plain. What that means to me is you cannot build in a flood plain because you will never be able to afford the required flood insurance ever! Ok then we will get the property surveyed and see what we have. Call the surveyor and make an appointment tromp around in the pasture for about an hour and a half get and Elevation Certificate telling you where you can put your house, not as it turns out where you wanted it, in exchange for $450.00. Now I know that life is expensive and all these things are required to build but let us do some simple math here. Ninety minutes, ninety minutes I say divided by $450.00 of our hard earned dollars equals out to be $5.00 per minute. Now I really don’t know what kind of education it takes to be a surveyor or how much his equipment costs and maybe we were his only job for the month but $5.00 per minute. And this person is probably going to have to come back more than once. Not being a trust fund baby or a lottery winner my advice to you is this, before the God moment, look around if there is water anywhere near you run! Run as fast as you can.

Not Very Exciting News But Important Stuff

When one buys a piece of land that use to be a cow pasture there are things that need to happen in order for the land to become a tiny farm where you will eventually live. Even if you are out in the country it is helpful to have say water, power and sewer. But to get those things someone official has to come out and tell you where you can put these things. For doing that they bring a tape measure and you bring a checkbook. For all that effort you then receive permits for a well, septic system and let us not forget a permit for a driveway which the department of transportation has to approve and before you build anything you need that driveway because the DOT does not like their roads to be dirty. Then the power company engineer comes to tell you where you can put a temporary power pole until the house is complete then after that you can have permanent power. More meetings with the builder to finalize what you want the house to look like. After that you wait................and wait............and wait, because without an estimate from the builder for the cost of all this madness the bank will not move forward with your loan application until they have a number from the builder. Gone are the days when if you had good credit they just lent you money. Now I am convinced that with all the personal information the loan officer has collected she knows more intimate information about us than we do and we are just getting started with that relationship. I fully expect to open my medicine cabinet one morning and have her in there telling me that my toothpaste purchase is comprimising my credit score and if I don't watch it I will have to sell a kidney to make up the cash difference. But we are moving forward if slowly it is still forward.

What Were We Thinking

About six years ago Mark and I were driving along on a Sunday and we started talking about where in a house the washer and dryer should be located. I wanted it upstairs because that is where the closets are and it would be easier. Mark wanted it next to the garage so he could come in from the garage discard his work cloths and put on clean cloths before he came into the house. I was tired of carrying laundry up and down two flights of stairs. The more we talked the more intense the discussion became and then we didn't talk to each other for three days. At that time we were arguing over a house we did not intend to build on property we did not own. Well that was then and this is now! We now have property and we intend to build but we are building tiny 980 square feet tiny. As it turns out the plans I love have the laundry where Mark wanted it all those years ago and I only have to carry laundry up one flight of stairs or maybe I will just put cloths in the downstairs closet.